Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize