somebody snuck up and got me drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And then he peed in my hair
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