He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
