dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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