UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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