My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
