you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
