so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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