Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
where does the pee come out of this thing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
