I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
