I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
