I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
