I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
