My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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