So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
