This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
