I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
