I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
