She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
