smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
