Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize