I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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