two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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