Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
