my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
