covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
