U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
