i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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