Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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