We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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