that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
