Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
