Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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