she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
