i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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