Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
