the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize