Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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