Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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