I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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