it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
