i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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