He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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