I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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