that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
