We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize