FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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