Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
