I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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