I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize