Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
