I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
3 2 1 whiskey
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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