pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
