I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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