I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
