have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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