only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
