There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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