if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
3pm strippers are depressing
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
