so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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