I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
