i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
