my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
