Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
