is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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