As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
