I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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