he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
