i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
