I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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