Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
